Bizarro mainstream SF sweeps Grindr's "Best of 2012" -- pukes us in the mouth a little

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weiner grindr, wiener grindr!

Dear gay hookup app Grindr,

Maybe it's just an indication of the type of homosexual who uses your service, and who deigns to participate in surveys like your new "Best of 2012" attempt to broaden your reach into hyperlocalism (soooo 2k9, btw). Or maybe its merely very telling of how you've lost any edginess to rivals like Scruff -- which, judging from a Scruff glance, is very sad indeed.

But thanks for the violent retch and terrified giggle yesterday when you unveiled the reader-selected wieners  winners of your besties awards. You somehow managed to record every crap gay mainstream stereotype of San Francisco you could, sorry. Also, craaaazy. Scott Wiener as "best community advocate"? Is Pottery Barn a community? 

Anyway, San Francisco itself won every local category of the national survey. Also telling! What uncruisable gym queen with expensive hair is sitting in Badlands right now, possibly Scott Wiener's best friend, refreshing Grindr and voting wildly? Can someone call their alcoholic Rihanna fan roommate in embroidered jeans and wraparound Gucci shades and find out?

Below is the list of top vote-getters, with commentary

National winners   

    Gay icon of the year: Anderson Cooper
    Straight ally of the year: Barack Obama
     Best TV show: “Modern Family”
    Best TV host: Ellen DeGeneres
    Best source for gossip: TMZ
    TIE for best comedian: Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho
    Best athlete: Orlando Cruz
    Movie of the year: “Magic Mike”
    Song of the year: “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
    Gadget of the year: iPhone 5

Every one of these things is the exact color of water, but somehow boringer.


Grindr users picked these local landmarks to come out on top:

Gym with the hottest guys:

    Fitness SF (San Francisco)

It's not the winner per se that horrifies -- FitnessSF came into being when it cast off the shackles of its homophobic Gold's Gym franchise early last year. It's the category itself. Claim that shallowness!

Best place to get a haircut:

    Salon Baobao (San Francisco)

Waxing available!

Best place to take a first date:

    Castro (San Francisco)

... to steal their wallet and leave them there.

Best Sunday funday:

    Jock Sundays at the Lookout (San Francisco)

Cute but meh.

Favorite gay bar/club:

    Badlands (San Francisco)

Fuck noooooo.

Favorite bartender:

     Mike at Lookout (San Francisco)

If they mean our cute and dear friend Michael -- we wholeheartedly agree with Grindr on this point. He's a great argument for why you should just stick to bars for your pickups, maybe.  

Best gay night/party:

    Beatbox (San Francisco)

This is neither a night nor a party.

Best DJ:

    Haute Toddy (San Francisco)

OK they could have done a lot worse than this completely inoffensive fingerful of vanilla frosting.

Fiercest drag queen/nightlife personality:

    Pollo Del Mar (San Francisco)

If anyone deserves the incredibly contemporary gay slang term "fiercest," it is Pollo for sure.

Local hero/community advocate of the year:

    Scott Wiener (San Francisco)

According to our new sister paper SF Weekly, Wiener said this win finally "put to rest the issue of whether the nudity ban was a gay thing." That was never the issue. But Scott is the mayor of Grindr!

Best local gay news outlet:

    The Bay Area Reporter (San Francisco)

I am so surprised that GLOSS Magazine did not win this!!!

 

Eh, maybe we're not so surprised by this list after all

Comments

Ever since Joe Dignan died, gay journalism in San Francisco has never recovered.

Posted by marcos on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 7:30 pm

Ok nothing against Pollo del mar but she is not fierce by far. Amongst us other drag queens she is definitely the one to stay away from and is not well respected amongst her fellow queens. As a performer she is definitely one of the worst but she seems to have this mutant power which makes her able to do decent in a pageant and snatch the title fresh off the trail of a years worth of horrible numbers. I will say she is definitely an amazing host and it's good she can get the girls big money (Big money at an Sf drag show being 50 and her girls always leave with 100 in just tips not including the fee) and the castro crowd likes her but if you were to ask ANY drag queen (even her own house) not one queen will say she is fierce in anyway and this is fact.

Posted by Glitter on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 7:07 pm

You say "Nothing against Pollo..." and then go on a tirade about how awful of a performer and person she is. Seriously? She actually IS well-respected among other queens in the city AND THE US. Who else wouldn't want to be as business-savvy and successful as she is? She has built a brand for herself without having a platform such as RuPaul's Drag Race which VERY few queens have been able to do.

She may not be the most-liked Queen in SF nor the strongest performer, but she is and will always be successful at what she does. She shoots straight from the hip and takes care of business which many respect and admire.

As someone who is a friend and part of her drag house, I suggest you get to know her and fact-check your sources before spewing this crap.

Posted by Andrew on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 11:27 pm

You say "Nothing against Pollo..." and then go on a tirade about how awful of a performer and person she is. Seriously? She actually IS well-respected among other queens in the city AND THE US. Who else wouldn't want to be as business-savvy and successful as she is? She has built a brand for herself without having a platform such as RuPaul's Drag Race which VERY few queens have been able to do.

She may not be the most-liked Queen in SF nor the strongest performer, but she is and will always be successful at what she does. She shoots straight from the hip and takes care of business which many respect and admire.

As someone who is a friend and part of her drag house, I suggest you get to know her and fact-check your sources before spewing this crap.

Posted by Andrew on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 11:25 pm

There aren't very many media sources that represent non-mainstream gay narratives. (A fancy way of saying "things that wouldn't fly in the Castro").

As a working-class gay 20-something in the Tenderloin, I loved this. I hate the way that gay San Francisco is represented as "upper-class gay establishments in the Castro." What about SoMA? What about The Gangway or Aunt Charlies or The Cinch? What about those of us who like to get haircuts for less than $20? We need a voice too - so I hope to see more of your writing!

Posted by HeartTenderloin on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 5:59 pm

HeartTenderloin!

Posted by marke on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 6:02 pm

I love you Marke

Posted by Guest on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 5:20 pm

right back at ya!

Posted by marke on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 5:49 pm

I think you meant "retch."

Posted by The Editrix on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 4:01 pm

I was also wrenched. Fixed above, dear Editrix.

Posted by marke on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 4:05 pm

bravo markie you rock!

xx00
la m

Posted by Guest on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 3:58 pm

Yes, the BAR is the best news source.

When the frak does Gloss ever publish news? When do they publish any article that isn't written by the opposite page's advertiser, and about porn whores and drag queens?

And don't even mention the "should have died years ago" Bay Times and 'news' in the same sentence.

Posted by smarty McPants on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 3:34 pm

For realz. But incredibly hilarious too. I have a feeling a lot of these votes were cast by a crowd which is slightly less.... errr.. alternative than the one we hang with.

Posted by Lucretia Snapples on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 3:32 pm

Talk about a negative

Posted by Guest Joe on Jan. 15, 2013 @ 3:09 pm

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