alt.sex

Sexual evolution

alt.sex.column says so long -- and thanks for all the fish

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Dear Readers:

We are not calling this column "So Long And Thanks For All The Fish." But this is, for good or ill, the final Alt Sex Column. So, you know, so long, and thanks for all the fish.

ASC debuted online in 1997, around the time going online was first moving from optional to something you'd better do if you didn't want to get left behind. If I'm going to look back at what has changed in all this time, I could just type out "Internet" and hit send. Or not.Read more »

Anticlimax

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Dear Andrea:

I'm living with my first "serious" girlfriend and everything is great except the sex. As far as I can tell, she is having orgasms but I'm not. When we have sex I have to finish myself off with my hand. I don't think it's supposed to go this way.

Love,

Disappointed

Dear Dis:

You don't say whether you've ever had intercourse with anyone else before Serious, but I'm going to guess not.Read more »

alt.sex.column: Once bi-tten

Some second thoughts on bisexual advice

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Dear Readers:

In a recent column I asked the, um, asker (how can I have had this column for over a decade and still not know what to call the people who ask me questions?) what exactly she thought people would assume about her if she came out with it and identified herself to new acquaintances as bi.Read more »

alt.sex.column: Fine bi me

"Is it OK to tell people, or should I just shut up?"

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Dear Andrea:

I'm a woman who likes women and men. I'm been in a serious relationship with a man several years. Having recently moved back to my home town, I'm wondering about something. My close friends know about my orientation (I don't like the word 'bisexual' because of all its connotations and my general reluctance to label myself) but now I'm meeting new people, colleagues, etc., and I feel weird about not addressing this important part of my life. Is it OK to tell people, or should I just shut up?Read more »

alt.sex.column: Flash dance

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Dear Readers:

In the high and far off times, there were these smeary newsprint tabloid "lifestyle" papers that had a few columns in the front and then the rest was nothing but tiny, poorly-printed personals ads looking, for kinky sex, right now, very few questions asked. Most were illustrated with what might have been part of a cartoon of an elephant, shot head on, but were actually close-ups of the advertiser's no longer private private parts.Read more »

alt.sex.column: Get fit

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Dear Readers:

The subject of size-discordant couples is a perennial favorite and will only get more so until such time as we Americans fulfill our apparent destiny and become a nation of like-size giants in height and girth. Until then, though, making a couple's ends meet will continue to be an issue and a puzzlement. Pillows, ramps, and wedges sold expensively as sex pillows and less appealingly but more affordably at medical-device emporia will do but many couples would rather eschew such artifice and stick with the basics. First, short woman, tall man.Read more »

alt.sex.column: Resolved

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Dear Readers:

I'm pretty sure last year's New Year's resolution was to get a New Year's resolution column in on time. So that one's out, but there is still time for me, and, more important, you, to do a sex-and-love-life audit and figure out what's wanting and what you could do about it in the coming year. Here are some ideas.Read more »

alt.sex.column: V-ball

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Dear Andrea:

I've always fantasized about girls kicking me in the balls. I have always secretly desired it, especially women or girls wearing sexy boots. I have always had a thrill for women dominating men. When I would watch the TV show V, I would dream of Diana kicking Mike Donovan in the balls with her sexy stiletto boots. She is one of many women I would have liked to have been kicked by. What causes men to like it? Why would us guys enjoy such pain and agony?

Love,

Ballsy

Dear Balls:Read more »

alt.sex.column: Chimps R Us

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Dear Readers:

When our kids were first identified, at four months or so, as a girl and a boy, we were thrilled. We also immediately launched into a series of jokes about always having a control for any sex- or gender-based experiment, which gradually tapered off as the kids developed and/or learned how to express their own essential personalities . Oh, and also, probably, because the jokes weren't, as jokes go, all that funny.Read more »