Advice

Sex Talk with Princess Donna: Squirting and the ass icon

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You have to have communication skills if you're going to responsibly wield the amount of sexual power that Princess Donna holds in her sexy little hands in the depths of the Mission District's very own porn palace, Kink.com. The director-actor of such sites as Kink's Ultimate Surrender, Bound Gang Bang, and Public Disgrace knows about expanding sexual horizons -- which is why it's so rad we've tapped her for this new love and sex advice column.

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Sex Talk with Princess Donna: Sugar daddies and the perils of bromance

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One might imagine that there is hardly a personal entanglement that Princess Donna, director and star of Kink.com's Public Disgrace, Bound Gang Bangs, and Ultimate Surrender sites, can't handle with a strong wrist and flogger. While that may be true, the BDSM power player is also a master of the kind of communication involving words. And unlike your standard sex advisor, she's that frank kind of sex-positive feminist that can help with whatever you want to do in bed (/dungeon) that is safe and consensual. And be real sexy through the processing, to patent leather boot. We had to give her her very own Guardian sex advice column.

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alt.sex.column: Clip show

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Dear Readers:

Nah, I'm not really going to saddle you with a "clips" column — that would be cheesy. But I do happen to have a bunch of interestingish non-question stuff from my inbox, so bear with me.

First up, an article from The New York Times called "The Perils Of Sexual Roundelays," which is kind of refreshing because, despite the title, it actually pokes some holes in the "ZOMG hooking up and friends with benefits will be the death of love and marriage as we know it" cultural panic usually expressed in articles called "the perils of sexual" whatever. Sort of. The article (www.nytimes.com/2010/05/09/fashion/09Studied.html) describes what may be the first major study of non-monogamous behavior among adults). The study sets out to examine whether what the researchers call "non-serious relationships," (a.k.a. "hooking up") lead to "concurrent partnerships" (hooking up with lots of people, a.k.a. being a big old' slut").

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alt.sex.column: Eek! Eels in my ...

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Dear Andrea:

My girlfriend asked me to demonstrate my most unorthodox masturbation techniques, and one of my inventions is the Fly on the Island. Catch a small, lively fly. Carefully remove the wings and put it into a pill bottle. Draw a hot bath and get in.

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alt.sex.column: In and Out

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Dear Readers:

I was watching a Buffy rerun recently when the trailer for the new movie Splice came on, and I startled myself yelling "No, no, not again!" at the TV. Some misfire-prone synapse or other in my brain had leapt to the conclusion that Splice was another "sew three or more people together" movie. Splice turns out to be just another cautionary tale about not mucking about about with DNA. It' s Human Centipede I'm trying (and failing) to avoid.

If each era gets the horror it deserves, perhaps we have moved on from fear of the monstrosities that lurk, unseen and unsuspected inside us, to fear of the blurring of edges between ourselves everyone else. Human Centipede is a horror movie for the Facebook age.

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Slow man

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Dear Andrea:

My male friend ( I'm a woman) and I have been together on and off for a little over a year. The problem is, it takes him a very long time to ejaculate. He is really turned on but it still takes a long time. Is it me or him?

Love,

Slowpoked

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alt.sex.column: I deserve a buzz

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Dear Andrea:

How is it humanly possible that I, a 42 year old man, talented, accomplished, tall, and fit, cannot get laid to save his life? I have gone out on literally hundreds of dates, but nothing ever seems to go my way. I try not to act desperate, but women seem to smell it on me or something.

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alt.sex.column: Rubber soul

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Dear Andrea:

I have memories from early childhood onward of masturbating. (I'm a woman.) I'm talking when I was four years old or possibly even younger. I remember doing it in public too, like in front of family members.

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alt.sex.column: No sex, please -- we're 40

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Dear Andrea:

I'm 46 and seeking a hetro/bi woman my age who is authentically interested in a sexual relationship. I've heard many middle-aged women openly proclaim that they "don't care about sex." Since then, I've heard similar from many sources, including several female friends and countless craigslist meet-ups where it was volunteered without any prompting. I find this terribly depressing.

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alt.sex.column: The family that plays together

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Dear Andrea:

This summer different members of my family will be going in together on big a beach house. There's just one thing. "Heather" used to be married to my cousin, but after they split up, my cousin moved and Heather is still invited. She also is younger. The problem? I think she's hot.

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